I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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