The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I still have a little drunk in my system
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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