All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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