just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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