8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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