How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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