Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
