Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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