Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
