addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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