ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
