Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
