We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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