No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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