Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
