i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
