you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
