yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
