She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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