my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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