Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
