did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
