i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
