I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
