I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I understand Curling. That high.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
