forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
