I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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