Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
