Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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