dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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