you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You brought string cheese to the strip club
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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