they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
