Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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