whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
