Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
