Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
