Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
