The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
