It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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