Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
