Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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