well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
