i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
