do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
