and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
