Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
