the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
