i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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