she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
