I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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