Swine flu. Run for my life!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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