Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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