GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
