i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
