we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
