if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
