I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
